by Jalynn Hilton
forgiveness is never easy
black lives have been taken
homes have been destroyed
it was preventable
but race is always the problem
race has transformed the world we know
ancestors were snatched
raped, killed, and robbed of their dignity
and forgiveness is still an option on the table
if i do forgive, i feel weak
like forgiving them is supposed to change the way i feel
if i do forgive, i feel powerless
like holding on to the past will make me stronger
why do i even bother
whether i forgive them or not it will be the same
if i forgive them they will see it as a win
black people will never be able to finish this race
if i hold on to the past i am bitter
i am selfish for not wanting to forget 400 years
i am not compromising
i am a sell out if i do
why should we even forgive?
yes i might feel free if i let it go,
but will letting go only set me back?
will being the bigger person make me a traitor?
what if i want to be mad forever
what if i wish bad on them
what if i wish we were considered superior
what if’s are for the birds and the bees
there is never going to be change
systemic racism haunts us like ghosts
the devil lurks beside us
he reminds us:
racism is taught
if i’m raised to come home once the street lights appear
to always code switch
to straighten my hair
to dress a certain way
why can’t they say sorry?
sorry is only the beginning
reparations are a necessity
white men should not have been our founding fathers
our government should not keep using us
forgiveness is only meant for those who deserve it
forgiveness in our eyes are for the compassionate ones
not the ones who clutch their bags beside us
and definitely not for the ones who smile in our face and wish us bad behind our backs
when forgiveness comes they will be grateful
they will get down on their hands and knees
bow down before us
and be lucky we didn't want revenge
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