by Erica Costa
Have you ever cried while being in the happiest state of mind?
Because what’s to come just felt so blind
And the thought of losing a loved one could happen at any time
don’t we have enzymes?
aren’t those indestructible
yea right–everything in this world is corruptible
Early mornings could be the worst for me
Tears rolling down my face as I think of what is not presented in front of me
My mother passing
My father passing
Everything coming down crashing
It is all an image that I can not bear with
Maybe if Adam and Eve hadn’t eaten that damn apple
Who am I kidding, that is only a myth
I pray God gives me more time
just one more lunchtime
Oh no I meant dinnertime
Maybe another morning
Oh God I beg you for more time
There is still so much more to discover
I am not ready
I am not ready to lose those that brought life to me
For they are so holy
But not holy enough to watch over me
Please, I beg for more time
I know my last goodbye will approach
as a mystery.
Could be the sunniest of days,
could carry on the biggest smile and laughter
But that day will come
But…
I am not ready.
So maybe if I cry a little longer
Plead a little more
I will get another day
To cherish, with nothing in the way
My biggest fear has slowly become death
The unknown
The mystery of what’s to come
No longer longing for a breath
No more sweet smells of another
No more sunny days to gaze at
No more feelings
No more emotions
This cannot be–
For I am not ready
No more goodbyes
I want to be here forever
But sadly that cannot be
Maybe I should love a little longer
Maybe I should cry a little less
Whatever it is
I don’t want time to pass
Because passing also means approaching the end.
You see, I’m not afraid of change
But afraid of no longer hearing the sweetest voice
No longer running to you as a rescue
No longer laughing to your jokes
Or sitting in awkward silence
But I know I cannot allow fear to suppress
And so I try to worry about what’s to come a little less
We are all aware of the last days to love
Last days to live
And last days to breathe
So why must we repeat a struggling cycle?
Why must we struggle?
Why must we see gloomy days
and sit through countless essays
We should be living
We should be conquering
We should be free
No more cages around our creativity
If last goodbyes are certain
Why don’t we forgive a little often?
Express a little more
Allow all of our senses to feel the Earth
Let us be here
Let us be present
Because we are not meant to stay
Time will pass
And
Our last goodbye will creep on us
But until then
Let us be here
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