Not having a car proved difficult during my senior year of high school. I wasn't able to carry around my own stylishly decorated set of car keys like everyone else, parading around their favorite keychains, clinking them to draw attention to their arrival. Often my friends, Lydia, Alex, and Ben, would have to drive me around. I would have to carry the guilt of always asking for rides; the pitiful “Could you drive me to this place? But only if it’s along the way of wherever you’re going… I don’t want to make you go out of your way or anything,” accompanied by a not very convincing “Sure.” I was upset by my inability to get myself places and having to rely so heavily on others to take me somewhere. They carried me around as I carried the heavy emotions of being a burden.
When I was emotionally injured in January of my junior year from my parent's divorce, Lydia swooped in to pick up my broken pieces. She let me stay in her home while mine was a war zone, and flew me to safety so I could recover. I would eat lunch with my long-time friend, Hollis, and she was able to take my negative emotions and carry them around herself so that I could have a break, even if only for 30 minutes. Lydia carried around my crippling body and supported me upright when I couldn’t stand on my own, while Hollis gave me a clear piece of mind to replace the heavy load of my restless thoughts.
I first met Justice when I was forced to sit next to her in Physics during senior year. Little did I know that our mandatory seats would lead to the blossoming of a friendship with a person I otherwise would not have had the chance to connect with. The most important item that Justice carried around in her backpack was her pencil and paper. Our drawings brought us closer together and always put me in a better mood, bringing me temporary relief from the lumbering weight on my back. I was stressed from both the literal articles in my backpack that I had to carry around, full of books, worksheets, and uncompleted essays, in addition to the worry of how I was going to get home, if I had to babysit my brothers, and if I was going to be able to fall asleep at a reasonable time that night. These thoughts stuffed themselves inside my already massive bag filled with my responsibilities of being a big sister to two little brothers with a single mom.
I aspired to carry around the number of books that my friend Cate always had with her. Her love for books allowed for wonderful conversations filled with true passion and burning opinions and thoughts. This beauty radiated from within her and it never failed to make my day when I had the chance to talk to them. Cate was always excited to let me borrow one of her books so I had the chance to carry it around. The books may not have weighed much, but inside them were entire worlds that are unimaginably vast and complex. After both experiencing the same world in a book, we were able to connect on a deeper level, bringing us closer together in real life and binding us to the characters in a special way.
My friends carried me through my final years of high school, literally and figuratively. Lydia, Alex, and Ben provided me with transportation that opened opportunities that I couldn’t have obtained on my own without a car in a city with almost non-existent public transportation. Lydia carried me through my junior year by transforming herself into a crutch that I could lean on while I recovered and gave me the safe space I so desperately needed. Justice, Hollis, and Cate were able to let me carry bits of them around with me to fill my empty mind and provided me peaceful respite from my own overbearing thoughts when they happily carried pieces of my own self. We all shared an unspoken understanding to create a balance within each other by giving and taking parts of ourselves as needed.
