As I approach graduation, I feel the need to reflect upon the lost girl I was before.
She was fifteen-years-old. She was stalked and harassed by a group of students who took pictures of her and her friends without their permission. These kids did so because a boy in high school liked her and wanted to know more about her. She would walk home and see him following her in a car, so close behind she could hear their voices.
I was so stressed that all my hair fell out.
I remember trying to ask school administrators for support, but they gave me none.
I remember talking to parents about how I felt unsafe going to school. They overlooked my worries.
I remember when I stopped attending school. I was forced to and had no option of transferring.
With all this going on, I wanted to end my life.
Sadly, this happens to hundreds of people every day. The only option these people think they have to get out of their situation is to end their lives. They end their lives with the belief that they didn’t matter.
The only difference between me and the ones who made that decision is I had a support system of friends. My friends came to my rescue when I needed them the most.
I learned from my friends during this hard time in my life and put my faith in them. They taught me how to have healthy relationships with others. I learned from them that my life really does matter.
As a senior in college nearly 5 years later, I wonder “What if?”
What if I had gone through with this decision to end my life?
I wish I could have been the one to give the lost girl on that road the support system and the foundation she needed, but I understand I can’t change what happened in the past. Going forward, I will take the lessons I learned from being the lost girl and make sure I am what she needs me to be in the future. I want to give other people who have been, or are in, the same situation as I was a support system.
I hope other people will find the value of life. I know life can get extremely hard at times. I still have moments of relapse and turning into the lost girl again. I want to tell those who do have thoughts of taking their life that they do matter.
You have the ability to create healthy relationships. You must take life one step at a time and have faith in yourself. As bittersweet as this journey might be, I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. As I travel down this long road not knowing what the future holds, I do not say goodbye to the lost girl. I welcome her with open arms as we walk down this road together.
I hope other people who suffered from a similar traumatic experience have the courage to find their way back from being lost. Don’t end in the middle of a chapter, rather, finish the story.