I felt as if I was living in the movie Cheaper by the Dozen. To be fair, we were one short with only eleven people, but we were still an army. It took both a minivan and a truck to fit us all, and the process of loading the two took more than a half an hour. First, the baby and toddler had to be strapped into their car seats. Then, “The Boys,” my two tween brothers, had to be fetched, a difficult task considering the townhouse we stayed in had an absurd amount of rooms. Someone had to go get my eldest niece, Addy, who was typically deep in the woods looking for critters and chasing after turkeys. Once she was buckled in, my sister and brother in law had to stub out their cigarettes. My eldest sister, Ali, was often ill and sometimes got sick before a trip, so we waited patiently for her nausea to subside. Finally, my parents got behind the wheels of their vehicles and we all set off to explore Cape Cod.
Growing up, I was always the oldest sibling in the house. I wielded significant power over my brothers, Thomas and Judge, who were younger by at least 4 years. Despite the discrepancy in authority, we got along well. Thomas, Judge, and I would perform ABBA for my mom, build Legos, and play wiffleball in the backyard together. As I went through high school I began playing with them less, but our relationship remained the same. They would pester me, as brothers do, and I would put them in their place with a sarcastic snap. We bickered but never fought. My mom and dad encouraged us to be close with one another and to respect each other. When my friends talked about their families- cruel siblings or divorcing parents- I realized how blessed I was to have such a supportive home life.
But there was something missing.
My dad had two daughters from his first marriage who lived in Georgia with their mom. This meant Thomas, Judge, and I had significantly older half-sisters living on the other side of the country. Ali and Kaity were merely names and stories to us. I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve seen them over the last ten years. There were pictures of them as kids playing with me as a baby. In these pictures, we appear to be happy. We look close, like “normal” sisters. But of course, I can not remember the time we spent together. In my mind, our relationship was limited to birthday and holiday phone calls in which they called me “baby.” In their minds I was still the baby, even though by then I was in high school. The physical distance that separated us injured our relationship. I often wished I had a “real” sister to share my experiences with; someone that lived under the same roof, who I could have gone to for help with middle school drama. My brothers were fun and I loved them, but there were certain things they couldn’t understand as little boys.
The times they did visit were disorienting. Ali got married and had two kids and Kaity had a child of her own. They were full blown adults and seemed more like distant aunts than sisters.
But this summer things clicked. I was nineteen and just finished my first year of college. The last time I had seen my sisters I had just finished my junior year of high school. Since then, Ali had been diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. She is currently in remission, but the treatment caused other health complications. A year and a half after the diagnosis, Ali was finally well enough to fly from Georgia to Massachusetts with Kaity and their families.
When they arrived, my Dad’s face lit up. Finally, his whole family was together and living under the same roof. For nine days we got to play pretend: imagining this was how our family had always been. It was chaotic and puzzling- I was no longer the alpha sibling. I was the middle child and this change was strange. The family dynamic had been thrown for a loop. Judge is only two years older than his eldest niece, making his role as uncle tricky. My parents were now acting as grandparents, a title they claimed, but never exercised before. With younger kids running around, Thomas and Judge had to act like adults and set good examples. Thomas rose to the occasion, watching and chasing after three-year-old Blaine. Everything felt different, but it was a good different.
The cherry on top of the vacation was that my sisters began treating me as an adult. Ali, Kaity, and my brother-in-law James talked to me honestly about their experiences. They asked about my life, wanting to know about my evolving worldview and relationships. I came to realize how different our upbringings were, and how lucky I am to have so many opportunities. I became more grateful for my mom, whom I already appreciated as a blessing. I was forced to acknowledge the privileges I have living in Massachusetts, which has a higher minimum wage and better public education than Georgia. Despite all these differences, my sisters and I still bonded over the interests and genetics we share.
Over the course of our nine-day vacation, I realized that I do indeed have “real” sisters. Our relationship may not be conventional and we may have missed out on a lot of each other's lives, but the love is there. This summer we gained a mutual understanding and became closer than ever before. We may not have lived under the same roof growing up, but that does not make our relationship any less important.
Now that they are back in Georgia, we do not talk every day. They are busy with raising their kids and working. Keeping in touch takes a lot of effort and although we love each other, life gets in the way. Sometimes I wish things were different, I wish there were not a thousand miles separating us. But the distance does not make me love them any less, and I am grateful for our unique sisterhood.